One of the reasons Ryan was immediately able to spend so much time at my beck and call :) is that he doesn't have a job.
Before his junior year of high school Ryan and his sister Grace had a Hepatitis B vaccination, as was required of all students attending Chicago public high schools. Something didn't set quite right for Ryan with his vaccination and he started having seizures and memory issues. After MANY years and MANY doctors Ryan was stabilized with anti-seizure medications. There was also a period where he suffered from dangerously low blood pressure and a period where he had serious allergic reactions to the mold in his high school (a very old building.) Ryan did not graduate from high school. In 2006, things started to level out a bit and Ryan took the GED. He studied his tush off for it and passed it on the first try without any GED prep courses or anything. My darling Ryan is very smart!
In late 2005 Ryan started having really bad low back pain. He was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and has had many surgeries and many procedures to try and relieve the pain. He has done tons of physical therapy, pain programs at rehabilitation centers, he lost a ton of weight (which he has since put back on, whoops! :) ) and has had all sorts of non-surgical procedures. Since we started dating in December 2009 he has had two micro-discectomies and three spinal fusions. He has also been hospitalized for c.diff (a intestinal bacterial infelicitous he caught while in the hospital ) I've ridden in an ambulance way more times than I like to think about and have perfected my patter with the intake folks at the ER. Ryan will always be in some pain. Chronic pain is pretty much impossible to understand if you don't actually have it yourself. I do not know what it feels like to live in Ryan's body and deal with what he deals with on a regular basis. I can only empathize.
Seeing someone you love in horrible pain and not being able to make it better is hard. Knowing that it will never completely go away, and that you are signing up for a life with lots of hospital visits and tentative "we'll see how you feel" plans, isn't easy. Many people have asked me if I really want this. Can I handle being in a relationship with someone who needs more care and can't do "normal" things? I would never lie and say it is easy. I had a few moments where I was like "but I like skiing so much, and he will never be able to go skiing with me" or, "what about the Peace Corps, you always said you might join the Peace Corps when you retired". In the end though, I love this person. I love this man. I love the way he loves me, and cares for me, and I love caring for him and making him happy. Also, just because HE can't do those things, doesn't mean I can never do them! There are no guarantees in life. Just because you marry a healthy man doesn't mean you are going to grow old with a healthy man. I really believe that I have found the best person for me. Who the heck knows what the future will bring. I can't tell you how I will feel in 10, or even 2 years. All I know is that if I am throwing my hat in this ring... this monogamous, committed, partnership for love circus... I want Ryan by my side. In sickness or in health. (Awwwwwww)
Also we both love camping.
In late 2005 Ryan started having really bad low back pain. He was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and has had many surgeries and many procedures to try and relieve the pain. He has done tons of physical therapy, pain programs at rehabilitation centers, he lost a ton of weight (which he has since put back on, whoops! :) ) and has had all sorts of non-surgical procedures. Since we started dating in December 2009 he has had two micro-discectomies and three spinal fusions. He has also been hospitalized for c.diff (a intestinal bacterial infelicitous he caught while in the hospital ) I've ridden in an ambulance way more times than I like to think about and have perfected my patter with the intake folks at the ER. Ryan will always be in some pain. Chronic pain is pretty much impossible to understand if you don't actually have it yourself. I do not know what it feels like to live in Ryan's body and deal with what he deals with on a regular basis. I can only empathize.
Seeing someone you love in horrible pain and not being able to make it better is hard. Knowing that it will never completely go away, and that you are signing up for a life with lots of hospital visits and tentative "we'll see how you feel" plans, isn't easy. Many people have asked me if I really want this. Can I handle being in a relationship with someone who needs more care and can't do "normal" things? I would never lie and say it is easy. I had a few moments where I was like "but I like skiing so much, and he will never be able to go skiing with me" or, "what about the Peace Corps, you always said you might join the Peace Corps when you retired". In the end though, I love this person. I love this man. I love the way he loves me, and cares for me, and I love caring for him and making him happy. Also, just because HE can't do those things, doesn't mean I can never do them! There are no guarantees in life. Just because you marry a healthy man doesn't mean you are going to grow old with a healthy man. I really believe that I have found the best person for me. Who the heck knows what the future will bring. I can't tell you how I will feel in 10, or even 2 years. All I know is that if I am throwing my hat in this ring... this monogamous, committed, partnership for love circus... I want Ryan by my side. In sickness or in health. (Awwwwwww)
Also we both love camping.
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