Day 2

Still in the hospital. Ryan had three more seizures overnight. Now they are not allowing him to have the dilaudid because one of the rare side effects of dilaudid is seizures... Even though the seizures started at home when he hadn't had dilaudid in months. His pain hasn't been lower than a 7 since we got here.

So tired of seeing my love in pain.

Night at the hospital

Sitting at Ryan's bedside working on wedding invitations, Christmas gift brainstorming, Christmas dinner menu planning, living with the reality of loving someone with many serious health issues and trying to stay positive about it all... and then Facebook reminds me that Edie Carey is playing at WFMT tonight and I can stream the concert... Edie's voice and words are a balm on my aching heart and I feel like God is here with us through her...

Edie's music has been a soundtrack for my life since 1999 when I heard her at a NACA conference (thanks Greg Diekroeger.) I don't know how it's possible, but when I hear her sing, nothing seems too hard for me to handle.

And now she's playing my Ryan song! "Easy Now"!

Smile on my face.

Sunlight in my window 

Landing on my pillow 

Making me open my sleepy eyes 

You greet me with a smile on 

Kisses like I’ve been gone 

Pulling me closer to your side 

It’s easy, So easy, Easy now 

I used to get worked up 

Over the small stuff 

I would be up all night about it 

Now I can’t help laughing 

And you know the sad thing 

Is how I went so long without it 

It’s easy, So easy, Easy now  

All those years believing 

Love meant someone’s leaving 

All those years believing 

If it’s not hard, it’s not the real thing 

Look at this weather 

It’s only getting better 

Remember that winter when the lake froze 

Now I’m hoping in the high tide 

Floating in the twilight 

I can even do it with my eyes closed 

It’s easy, So easy, Easy now 

It’s easy 

Like breathing 

In and out 

All those years believing 

If it’s not hard, it’s not the real thing 

Photographer - Pro or not to Pro

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted! Things really ramp up at work during the holiday season and with my dear cousin's wedding and the extra stress at work, I haven't found myself with much down time. I'm squeezing this in right now because I have found that writing here relaxes me quite a bit! Take care of me time!

One of the decisions I continue to waver back and forth on, is the photographer. I LOVE looking at beautiful pictures on wedding blogs and seeing all the special details of the day. I feel inspired when I look at these pictures. I love the reminder that life can be really lovely, even when it's been a dismal day. However, those beautiful photos come from very talented photographers, and talented photographers come at a cost! I certainly do not begrudge them whatever fee they want to charge, I just know my budget and my limitations and a professional photographer is most likely not in the cards. What it comes down to is "How important to me is it that I have artistic, "blog worthy" photos from this event?" Are we the kind of people that will look at the pictures often? Or will they live in a photo album that is pulled out just a few times in our life. As long as there is one quality shot of husband and wife... isn't that all we really need? Can a friend with a good camera give me what I need?

I see these amazing weddings and I think about how beautiful our wedding will be and I panic... "If no one takes a picture of it, does it even count that it happened?!" I'm not talking the actual ceremony here, our life together will be the testament to that. I'm thinking of the dessert table, and my mom's wonderful food, the thoughtful and artful table decor that our wedding planner is creating, the handmade garlands, etc.

I've had a few friends go the "no-pro" route, and i've asked them. "So... do you like your wedding pictures?" The answer is usually "Eh, they are ok." Am I ok with that?

I really don't know and I am totally running out of time to decide!